I’ve started and deleted this post half a dozen times now, trying to figure out exactly what I want to put down.
This past week and the current one has been spent boxing things up, going through old memories both good and bad and getting rid of as much as possible. I have an innate fear of the past and I’ve always worried about unearthing old memories I don’t particularly want to remember- awkward moments of growing pains in both high school and college specifically. While we all go through them but it doesn’t mean I want to remember them. I used to hold onto old notebooks and sketchpads on the idea that one day I’d look back and be glad I did. This time however I’ve been going into my boxed away memories with a different plan. All the things I’ve learned and done in my life I take pleasure in for having grown into the person that I am because of it, however that doesn’t mean I need to hold onto items that don’t bring me joy. I’ve possibly been reading too much into the notion of minimalistic lifestyles but I’ve realized that I want as little things around me as possible and I only want to surround myself with things I need and things that bring me joy (ideally they would fit both categories).
When going through things in the apartment and deciding what should be packed up and what should go away, I’ve come to realize that one of the main things that has brought me stress and frustration on a daily basis has come from clutter. Even arguments that I’ve had from Mr. C I’ve realized often come from dirty dishes or coats left around, tables covered in junk so that we can’t enjoy dinner at the table- all of it stems from clutter, which comes from excess stuff.
More and more I’ve come to realize that I don’t deserve things. I don’t deserve happiness but I believe I deserve the right to fight for it.
I’ve been taking more pleasure in simple things like the weight of a teapot in my hand or the grain of my unfinished wooden table or my quiet morning ritual- the drink I have each morning to start my day. It’s one that is simple with only 2-3 ingredients but is a calm and healthy way to wake up my body and my digestion and prepare it for the day to come. These days I drink it as I survey the chaos of boxes and stuff that has become of my apartment and decide on what to pack next.
12 oz Warm Water
1 TBSP Apple Cider Vinegar
1 tsp Honey (optional)
I usually turn the water on hot in the faucet and leave it until it gets warm. During this time I measure out the cider vinegar (I prefer unfiltered) and the honey into a glass before filling the glass with warm water and stirring until the honey is melted.